Grief Healing and Therapy

More Than Okay

When I started therapy back in October 2021, my assessment scores were sky high. My anxiety scored at 20. The highest number on the assessment is 21. My depression assessment was an 11. I wasn’t suicidal, but I truly wouldn’t have cared if I’d been hit by a bus. I knew I was in a place with 2 choices- ride the spiral down, down, down or fight like hell to keep my head above water. I will *always* fight like hell to be the mom my kids deserve but I knew back in October that I didn’t have the “tools” I truly needed to stop the spiral.

So I picked up the phone and bawled my eyes out while making my first therapy appointment. She stays booked but somehow I snatched one of her only 2 remaining biweekly appointments.

This morning, I redid the assessments for her. It’s been 6 months. Both of my scores were cut in half. Anxiety went from a 20 to a 10. Depression went from an 11 to a 4.

I’ve gained coping tools and strategies to help when I’m struggling. I beat Justin to sleep 9 out of 10 nights and I sleep soundly most nights. When I do wake up and my mind starts racing, I have relaxation strategies and ways to refocus my mind off of the things causing my anxiety. On the hard days, I can almost always recognize the trigger and talk myself down or remind myself that the feeling won’t last forever.

Counseling offers me a place to say the things I would never say out loud to anyone else. I can work through my feelings verbally without fear of hurting someone I love. I can recognize which of my feelings are true and which are my depression and anxiety speaking. Then I can take the techniques taught and apply them to my daily life.

The event that finally broke me enough to seek therapy hasn’t changed. The kid I fought for still has no contact with me or his siblings. That’s his right. This isn’t about him. (So please don’t let that be what you take from this post. Don’t even comment on this part, please.) I’m only saying that to point out that the biggest hurt I took into therapy back in October has not changed- but I have. And I am okay- more than okay.

All that to say this- if you are struggling, reach out. Whether it’s to a doctor to try medication or a therapist for counseling. Or you may need both like me.

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