If She Only Knew.

This picture was taken less than 5 minutes after I found out my dad had cancer.

One year ago this month, on May 16, 2014, my dad uttered the “C” word to me.  We had tip-toed around that word- cancer- and hoped for the best.  He had been sick and coughing for several months.  His doctor diagnosed him with allergies and told him his shortness of breath was normal.  It wasn’t […]

Dear New Trach Mommy,

Brynlee Dec 16 blog

Sweet mama, I never thought I would be able to write this post.  Everything was so scary and I felt desperate.  How would I ever get the hang of this trach-baby thing when every time I thought about it, I broke out into a sweat and my eyes teared up.  It was months before I […]

on grief and excavation

Grief is not a place. You can’t just pass through. It is a journey. One that is long and filled with ups and downs. Two weeks of good can feel instantly erased by the onset of another bout of pure, desperate grief. Of missing someone so much it hurts to breathe. The world continues spinning. […]

the year of letting go & stepping out

baugh family christmas

2014 was a year of letting go. letting go of this blog. letting go of our only steady income- Justin’s job. letting go of my plans for the future. letting go of my fears. letting go of my controlling ways, beginning to accept that I am not in control. letting go of my idea of […]

Like Wildfire, It Spread.

dad me 1

It’s 4:30AM and I woke up with this on my heart, swirling through my mind.  This is just a little glimpse of what it was like to watch Daddy fight small cell lung cancer. It was a Saturday.  Mom and I were going shopping.  I had mentioned to Justin that maybe since the baby was […]

New Normal… Again

me dad

It’s been over 2 months since I’ve written anything.  It’s beyond hard because I just don’t know what to say anymore. My dad passed away October 9, 2014 after a short but hard fought battle with small cell lung cancer.  I didn’t write here about his diagnosis other than mentioning it once simply because he […]

On Depression, Choices, & the Daily Struggle

prom 2005

I wrote this yesterday and shared it on my Facebook page. It’s long (2,000 words) so I did not expect people to actually take the time to read it all. But, they did. They commented and shared. I think we all just want to know that we are not alone. I’m reposting here on my […]

Less stuff. More you, mama.

03 kc photography

I could hear that little voice saying, “No, you are doing it all wrong.  You are giving them more stuff, but less of YOU.  You are what they want, what they need, mama.”  It had been there, tugging and pulling at my heart for a few months when Brynlee was born.  I had become a […]

when you don’t want to look back and you can’t look ahead

Brynlee Pierre Robin

When you don’t want to look back because it hurts too much.   And you don’t want to look forward because you know it’s going to be hard.   That’s where I’m at as of 11:24PM on New Years Eve.   And anything I say just makes me sound like Debbie Downer.   At the […]

Coffee Inspired Memories

Coffee Inspired Memories

I’m sharing some of my favorite Coffee Inspired Memories with you today as part of a sponsored campaign with Collective Bias and Coffee-mate. Coffee.  You know how music can take you back to a certain moment?  How it can make you feel all of those emotions as if you are right there in that moment […]