On Becoming a Mama – For All You Love

Cowboy Bryson

Every time someone says "Becoming a mom will change your life!" I think, "Well, I hope so." It's funny how such a tiny little being can grab a hold of your entire heart and change you completely.  And those changes go well beyond the sappy stuff. Before becoming a mom, I had never changed a diaper.  Now?  Not only do I change diapers, I use cloth diapers. Before becoming a mom, crumbs on the table grossed me out. Now?  The table and the floor are covered with crumbs even when I clean them both multiple times per day. Before becoming a mom, I would have never wiped someone's nose for them. Now, I'm slinging snot and picking boogers like a pro. Before becoming a mom, the thought of someone's vomit would have made me vomit. Now, I can clean up vomit half-asleep without flinching. Before becoming a mom, I enjoyed peeing alone.  Without an audience. Now, I've learned how to pee while consoling a child on my lap.  Seriously. Before becoming a mom, dress up seemed a bit … [Read more...]

Adding a Little Extra to Ordinary Days – #QuakerEpicAdventures

Water Table

One thing I love about little children is that they are so easy to impress.  I'm not talking about toys or gadgets and gear.  It doesn't take money or things to turn an ordinary day into extraordinary.  The things that usually award me the "coolest mom ever!" title are not things at all.  It's always a moment, sometimes just a few minutes, of undivided attention doing something my child loves.  It could be as simple as a run through the water hose or playing in the fresh dirt.  As moms, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to create these fun, over-the-top activities that require a lot of time, effort, and preparation.  Then what?  In my case, if I don't get the reaction I'm hoping for, I feel defeated and like I've wasted my time because the kids didn't even enjoy it. I have a simple summer activity series in the works, but for now, I want to share a few ideas that can turn those ordinary days into extraordinary.  Most of these are low cost or no cost and can be pulled … [Read more...]

Fuelin’ Up for Summer #QuakerEpicAdventures

Weekend on the River

The weatherman says it's spring and while technically that is true, it sure doesn't seem like spring in Alabama!  I'm impatiently waiting for the days where we can spend endless hours enjoying the sunshine. Last summer was cut short for me after I broke my leg and ankle.  As much as I hurt physically from my injuries and surgery, I was also crushed that I could no longer take the kids outside or do anything fun with them.  I wasn't able to walk or swim or play on the playground.  I could not even take them outside at our own home, because I had no way to help them or keep up with their boundless energy.  I knew I was missing out and it hurt badly.  Justin took the kids to see their first live show, he took them swimming and to birthday parties, and I couldn't do any of that.  I am so thankful that he is the dad that he is so even though I missed out, our children didn't. So, this year?  Oh, this summer.  My mind is swirling with fun ideas, things to do, places to go, … [Read more...]

one of the happiest moments of my life

I witnessed one of the happiest moments of my life on Sunday.  Justin and I have talked about finding a church home for a long time.  My anxiety held me back while he is just so laid back that it didn’t matter to him one way or the other.  This was only our third week to attend church and the second time at this specific church.  To make a long story short, I watched my husband head to the altar, drop down on his knee, and dedicate his life to Christ.  He had no idea that I had prayed for that moment for a long, long time.  He is the best person I know, but I just wanted to be 100% certain that he was going to Heaven with me one day.  And now, I know.  And it was such an amazing moment as my heart was about to beat out of my chest and tears of joy rolled down my face.  I felt him begin to tremble beside me then I heard the first sniffle and I knew what was happening.  He rarely shows emotion so I was certain what was happening.  I locked my hand in his to let him know I … [Read more...]

On TTC Baby #3

Family 2 Logo

Is it weird to tell people you are trying to conceive?  I'm not sure, but then again, natural acts like baby-making and breastfeeding are not topics that embarrass me.  Justin and I decided we would have two children.  Two was our number.  Then, Bryson was born and I realized how much I love being a mom.  I cried during my pregnancy with Bella, because I knew it could possibly be my last.  We've decided to try for a third child now.  We won't totally close the door on more children down the road, but we both think that three is our number. We were praying for a November baby.  Bryson's birthday is in December and Bella's is in January.  It looks like we are out this month though, so no November baby for us.  Bryson and Bella were both conceived on the first try which I know is completely unusual, but I had high hopes that it would happen quickly again.  It did not and while I'm definitely disappointed, I am praying God's will and asking for peace with His timing. Justin … [Read more...]

Suicide is Selfish. Or is it?

"Suicide is selfish!" It's probably the #1 comment I hear when the topic comes up. "The most selfish act.  How could he/she?" "Only thinking about herself.  Only thinking about himself." My guess is that anyone who says that has probably never been suicidal. Almost 10 years ago, I swallowed handful after handful of pills and prayed for death.  So when someone tries to tell me just how selfish the act of suicide is, it angers me and I take it personally.  When I attempted suicide, it was not out of selfishness.  If anything, it was a selfless act. How could that be? For months, I prayed to God to just take me.  Day and night, I begged Him to let me die.  I tried to negotiate with God, telling him that so many people were dying that really wanted to live.  I didn't want to live anymore, so couldn't he just take me instead?  That was my prayer and I truly believed that God was going to take me soon. But, He didn't and I was tired of my pain and depression hurting other … [Read more...]

On Addiction, Enabling, and Letting Go

I began blogging when I was around 12 years old.  I blogged- or wrote in a "online journal"- as I called it then to process through my feelings and emotions.  I was hit with a deep, dark depression at a young age and writing was my only outlet.  Thankfully, I am no longer in that place, but writing is still my outlet.  It can be a difficult balancing act though when things are not going so well.  I've shared my grief journey here as I've stumbled my way through losing Kolby, breaking my leg & ankle, and losing other close loved ones in a few short months.  I've also shared about my father-in-law's meth addiction on the rare occasion, but I've tried very hard to also protect the privacy of my family. I've been unable to really blog here for weeks.  I've met my deadlines and posted sponsored content, but I haven't been "me" because I wasn't sure what to share or how to go about it.  With that said, I'm going to share a post that I published on my personal Facebook page on … [Read more...]

A Look Back at 2012 (Part 2)

Bella Bryson Riding Dune Racer blog

I'm going to pick up where I left off last week.  If you need to get up to speed, check out A Look Back at 2012 - Part 1. July was a hellish month, no doubt.  It started out alright.  We celebrated Independence Day at the river and watched the fireworks over the water.  On July 14th, we went to my five year class reunion where I made that not-so-fun trip down the slide with Bella that resulted in several breaks including a broken leg and ankle.  After a week and half of tears, vomiting, pity, and pain pills, I finally had surgery to repair my broken leg and ankle.  I woke up in the worst pain of my life, but was glad to be on the road to recovery.  Justin and Gangan took the kids to see Super Why Live! and I was so sad that I couldn't go.  I continued to share my grief journey as the three month mark of Kolby's death passed.  Two weeks after I broke my leg & ankle, my dad's best friend and a man that was always a part of my life had a heart attack and drowned.  My … [Read more...]

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