Hello and Goodbye | Pregnancy + Foster Care

Thursday, May 3rd, we were leaving Bella’s softball game when I was hit with an awful wave of nausea.  I had been fine all day, even through-out the game, but as we were walking to the playground after the game, I became so sick.   It felt like it came out of no where and was so intense that I thought I was going to vomit in the vehicle and could not eat dinner that night.  I commented to Justin that he probably shouldn’t drink after me because I probably had a virus.

Friday, May 4th, we were set to say goodbye to our 6 month old foster son, Baby Bear, who we’d had since birth.  That morning, the kids and I went to visit Mawmaw so she could see Baby Bear one last time.  I realized that morning that I should have started my period sometime within the last 48 hours, but there was no sign of it.  On the way home from Mawmaw’s, I grabbed 3 pregnancy tests.  You know, just in case.  Once we arrived home, I quickly got everyone settled and locked myself in our bathroom to take one of those “just in case” tests.

I didn’t even get the test sat down when a dark line appeared.  And then another dark line.  It was instant and I couldn’t believe that the test line was darker than the control line.  The other 2 test still sit in the unopened boxes because they weren’t needed.  It was clear- I was pregnant!  Up until this point, we’ve had 3 perfectly planned pregnancies and never so much as a scare.  To say that I was shocked would be an understatement.  I snapped a photo of the test then got Justin on the phone while I sent him the photo.

In the past, I’ve taken the tests that actually say “pregnant” or “not pregnant.”  It probably shouldn’t have surprised me when I had to explain to Justin what he was looking at and what it meant.  His reply to our surprise positive pregnancy test?  “Cool.”  I could instantly hear the happiness in his voice.  It wasn’t anything like my shocked, shaky voice.  We decided to keep it between ourselves for the time being.  In other words, as soon as I hung up the phone, he told one of his employees.  So to make it even I told someone the next day.

After getting off the phone with Justin, I started running dates to figure out when we were due.  All of our babies have been born in December and January.  You cannot imagine the joy I felt when I realized my due date was January 2, 2019.  My dad’s birthday.   I was 5 weeks pregnant.

Talk about a roller-coaster of emotions.  We found out we were expecting a surprise baby hours before we had to say goodbye to our Baby Bear.  We loved our Baby Bear fiercely.  I brought him home from the hospital.  We held him as his battled withdrawals.  We heard his first laughs and coos,  watched as he rolled over for the first time.  But it was time to let him go.  We loaded him and all of his clothes, some toys, his swing, and met in the parking lot of a shuttered K-Mart where we handed him over to his family.  Tears streamed as he looked at us like “What are you doing?”  We drove away as quickly as we could.

We ate dinner at a local Japanese restaurant.  I can’t remember anything we talked about, to be honest.  The shock of saying hello to new life while saying goodbye to our Baby Bear was a lot to take in.

Of course at the time, we had no idea that a single baby wasn’t going to be our only surprise.  No, there were two babies!  Looking back, that helps explain why I was so sick so early on and why that test turned so dark.