Pierre Robin Sequence
3 words that changed our lives- forever and for the better.
When Brynlee was born, I remember asking Justin why God would give us a broken baby. It’s easy to judge that statement when you’ve never lived it but I vividly remember driving home from the hospital, hormones pumping through my body with no baby near, and being angry that God gave us a broken baby! Hadn’t our family gone through enough- 5 hard losses in the previous 20 months and now a very sick daughter!? I’d had this awful gut feeling several times during my pregnancy that something was wrong. I remember standing at my kitchen sink, looking out the window with a swollen belly, and tears falling because I felt like something wasn’t right with the baby I was carrying. I have a habit of setting myself up for the worst case scenario so I made myself believe that that was all that was going on- I was being a pessimist because we’d lost so many family members. I wasn’t carrying a broken baby.
We are all broken- that’s how the light gets in.
I didn’t know it when she was born, but her brokenness would be my saving grace. Her brokenness would force me to face my own brokenness and would be what kept me going when my world crashed down a few months later. Because she was weak, I had to be strong- even as I watched my dad and best friend suffer and slip away. Even as I stood for what was right when everyone else thought I should sit down and shut up.
Her brokenness would expose my cracks, would soften my shell while also giving me the courage to stand for what was right regarding her care, her treatment, and the way people in my life treated me. I am not the person I was before Brynlee- not at all. I looked at Justin last night and said “Aren’t you glad we didn’t stop at two? We are changed, we are better because of her.”
Pierre Robin Sequence is a “sequence” of events- a small jaw which forces the tongue into the roof of the mouth causing a cleft palate and the resulting posterior tongue positioning. It can be genetic but in Brynlee’s case, it isn’t. We don’t know of a single person on either side of our family with anything related to PRS- not even a cleft which is common. Pierre Robin Sequence was meant to be a part of our lives.
As I type this, there is a beautiful blonde-haired little girl playing dress-up with magnetic dolls beside me. Her hair is almost white in places and her eyes are a beautiful blue. Inside her mouth, you can barely tell there was ever a hole thanks to an amazingly skilled surgeon. On her neck is a small scar that tells the story of a baby who worked for every breath until she underwent a tracheotomy at 9 days old then decannulated herself at 13 months old. On her belly is the tale of a little girl who used a feeding tube for almost a year and to everyone’s amazement weaned within a week with no oral aversions as she turned 1 year old. Above that scar is another which speaks of a baby girl outgrew her need for a g-tube and had it sewn up in her 6th surgery at 14 months old.
Her scars- the ways in which she is forever changed are visible to the eye. Those marks on her body speak louder than words and tell the tale of a baby with amazing strength. Those marks speak of her story and of a God who still performs miracles today.
The marks she has left on me aren’t visible but they are there. If you knew me before Brynlee and after Brynlee- you can see them. The journey those words- Pierre Robin Sequence- has taken us on hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it. Those words have made our family stronger- we love deeper and harder, we stand fiercely and strongly for one another, and we have an unbreakable bond.
All because of a broken little baby.
Brokenness is for a season but the lessons from it are for a lifetime.