Two weeks ago, the thought of a balloon release had never crossed my mind. Losing you at 16 hadn’t either. Now, both of those things are my reality. A harsh reality, but one that we are all dealing with second by second.
When I told Bryson you were gone, he got mad at me. He said “I don’t like you anymore if you say that Kolby is dead.” At 3, he understood more than I ever imagined he would. After that, I didn’t tell him anything. You were his buddy and he loved you so. I shielded him from the hurt we were (and still are) experiencing as best I could. The first time I cried in front of him, he asked what was the matter. I had just found out about the accident and didn’t tell him. The next few times I burst into tears, he would tell me to quit crying. (Bossy butt.)
Kolby’s mama, my aunt Brandi and Bryson.
She is an amazing and strong woman.
The balloon release gave me a new way to explain your death and where you are now. Bryson and I talked about it all day. As I was getting the kids dressed and ready, Bryson said something about how we needed to go to the airport and get on an airplane to bring you the balloons. I had to explain to him that we couldn’t do that, but that the balloons would make their way to you. As soon as he spotted your sweet mama, he ran to her and told her we were sending balloons to you!
(This shot took my breath away when I first saw it.)
I would ask Bryson who we were sending the balloons up to and he would answer “Kolby and Jesus”. Now, Kolby and Jesus go together in his little mind. The other night, I was in bed reading my Bible. Bryson asked about it and I told him I was reading about Jesus. He said “Oh, and Kolby too, huh?” That just melted my heart.
On the way home from dinner after the balloon release, I saw a shooting star. Mom saw the same shooting star, even though we weren’t together. I know that was a sign letting us know you got the balloons. A sign that you are happy and okay- with Jesus.
Love and miss you,