Our Tucker Dog

I always thought that posts eulogizing pets were odd.   I thought “We all love our pets, but isn’t that a little much!?”

Yeah, here is where my foot meets my mouth.

We lost our Tucker dog around 10PM last night.  It’s 2:45AM and I’m sitting here typing away, because I’m so heartbroken.

Bella woke up to nurse at 2AM and when I didn’t hear the click-click-clicking of Tucker’s feet hit the tile floors to go check on her with me, my heart broke a little more.

Tucker and I shared a birthday.  I didn’t realize it until after we had brought him home.  I opened up his paperwork and there was my own birth date staring up at me.  He would have been 5 this year.

I never thought my husband and I would cry ourselves to sleep over a dog, but that is exactly what we did last night.

Tucker was our baby before we ever had babies.  He has been around longer than either of our children.  He’s moved with us 3 times and eagerly greeted both of our children when they were born.

 That is the devastating part for me.  He was such a huge, huge part of their lives.  One of Bryson’s first words was “T-T” then he learned how to say “tuck-tuck” and finally, he settled on calling him “Cucker.”  He can’t work the “T” in Tucker for some reason.

Bella doesn’t use words, but she has her own sound for him.  If he is mentioned, she makes clicking sounds with her mouth like she’s calling him.  We all know that means Tucker.

If I ever got on to Tucker for anything, Bryson was say “Mom, he’s my best buddy!”  or “Mom, he’s my best friend!”

Just last night, Bryson was on top of him, riding him like a horse and calling him “Cucker Horsey.”  Tucker never cared.  He would let the kids ride him, pull his hair out, lay on top of him- he loved them.

Bryson stayed with his Nana and Pop last night and has no idea that “Cucker” is dead.  Sitting here, snotty nose and tears running down my face, I feel more like the 3 year old and I have no idea how I’m going to break  my son’s heart and tell him Tucker is gone.

In almost every photo I have of the kids at home, you can look in the background and find Tucker.  He was always, always there.

This is the last photo I took of him.  It was beautiful outside Thursday.  He never finds a small stick.  Instead, he opts for the biggest limb he can find and drags it around the yard.

He had the weirdest howl you’ve ever heard.  People would always think he was hurt, because it was just so loud and.. weird.  He only used it if we made certain noises or if was outside and ready to come.  I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’ll even miss that crazy howl.

There were so, so many times when I was tired of cleaning up after him- all the dirt he would track in, when he’d drag the kid’s leftovers off the table, etc.  Now, I’d take all those messes and triple them, just to have him back.

With all of that said, if you don’t think it’s too silly, our family could really use some good thoughts and prayers as we mourn our sweet Tucker.  I know there are worse things going on in this world, but I would really appreciate it.

It’s 3:30AM now and I’m going to go back to bed.  I’m going to try to sleep and try not to think about that fact that in a few hours, I have to break my little boys heart just like mine is broken.

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Comments

  1. Im so sorry. :(

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. I have tears in my eyes. He was so beautiful. *hug*

  3. Tucker was an adorable pup! I can tell he was a very special part of your lives. My heart aches when a family loses a pet, they are such a special part of the family.

    Those pictures are breathtaking. Prayers with you as you search for the right words to say when you have to tell Bryson.

    May I ask what happened ? Tucker was so young :( Was he sick?

    • Thanks, Karrie.

      He wasn’t sick. We let him out to use the bathroom and he was hit by a car. We live on a dead end street with no traffic, but he wandered off with a few other dogs. One of those things that you think would never happen…

      • That’s awful :(
        I am so sorry! That happened with our family dog when I was a kid. He went to greet my dad who was on the street moving his truck, it was a horrible experience for all of us :(

        Prayers for you all!

  4. So sorry for your loss =(

  5. I know the emptiness that’s left when a 4 legged family member leaves us. Our Buddy was 2 1/2 and the day he died was the first time I saw Don cry. We lost Don’s mother 2 months earlier and Don said losing Buddy felt worse. He loved is mother but for the last 15 years she was a voice on the other end of the phone and not a part of his daily life where Buddy was there every day and every night.

    I cried for 3 days, unable to eat or sleep and then the vet called. She had a 2 year old female, red mini dachshund that was up for adoption (Buddy was a black mini dachshund). She’d spent the last year of her life in a shelter and the vet felt we needed each other. I swore I couldn’t love her and wouldn’t let her into my heart but I was wrong. She found her way in and even though there’s a small part that still belongs to Buddy, Ellie has taken over the rest. We now have 3 small puppies but Ellie is my favorite. Maybe because of the timing when we got her.

    Prayers being said for your family right now. Praying that God gives you the right words to tell your son and that he’ll have the wisdom to understand. Prayers that you’re comforted by the memories and knowledge that Tucker loved you and considered you his family. Prayers that your entire family has the strength to get through today.

    • Thank you so much, Dee. Bryson doesn’t quite understand and says “Tucker will be back in a minute.” but that could be a good thing at this point. I appreciate you taking the time to share and comment.

  6. What a beautiful dog. I’m so sorry. We lost a pet this year, too, and it hurts. Telling the little ones is hard. My son and I shared a good cry, and it gets a little easier as the days go by. Relish in the happy memories.

  7. What an adorable dog. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I know what it’s like to lose a pet and it can be so devastating. Only time will heal your hurt. Big hugs to you and your family.

  8. So sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I used to be one of those people who scoffed at those who mourned over the loss of their pet. That’s until I got my dog just a year ago. My family has become extremely attached to our dog and I can only imagine the extreme heartache we’d have if something happened to him. *hugs*

  9. I am so sorry for yoru loss.. I do cat rescue and have animals myself and the every time it seems hurts as bad as the first. I found a poem years ago that gives me comfort, and it is an easy thing to read to a child… it will make you cry, but crying is a good thing sometimes.

    The Rainbow Bridge
    Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
    The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

    Author unknown…

    • Thank you so much for sharing. I ordered a photo book of Tucker for my kids, so I’m going to print this out and put it in the book when it arrives.

      • Today..well today I can’t even bear to read the poem. One of the feral cats I care for is dying. I know it is FIP and know he doesn’t have long. He is one that has come and gone for 5 years I have only been able to touch him once and he has been so crafty I could never neuter him (it was like he knew I had made a vet appt)
        Even the very wild ones manage to make it back before they die… it is like they know, and when I go out to check them they never hiss or struggle. I guess all along they have known that the humans in this home are gentle and kind to them.
        His name was P.B. because he liked to lick peanut butter I put out for the squirrels.
        Tonight I will read Rainbow Bridge too………

  10. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. We know how hard this is on all of you. We lost the best dog ever about 5 years ago. She too was hit and killed by a car. I had opened the back door to let her go potty. I turned my back for literally 30 seconds to pour a cup of coffee and although she hadn’t ever done it before, she left the backyard. In the 30 seconds my back was turned she was gone. The suddenness and the shock is so hard to deal with. 5 years later I still miss her, although I can think about her without crying. There’s a book called “When Dinosaurs Die” that helped my son a lot to deal with this. He’s 16 now but he was 11 back then. I promise to keep all of you in our prayers and will ask my Jenny to meet your Tucker at the Rainbow Bridge. Be well…..

  11. So sorry. He was a total cutie!!

  12. Charity L. says:

    I am sorry to hear about Tucker. He was beautiful. I have sent of a prayer for comfort. I hope it finds you. I lost a cat right after Anna was born. I still miss him. I have a dog of my own that I adore as well. I would be devestated if we lost him. Try to take care and God Bless.

  13. Isn’t it so amazing how much our pets become a part of us. So sorry about your loss. He was a very handsome dog.

  14. Oh what a pretty dog. I’m sorry :(

  15. I am so sorry for your loss Whitney. Losing a pet is always so very hard. (((hugs)))

  16. I’m sorry Whitney :(

  17. Big hugs to you! I know how hard losing a pet is. When my cat died I cried for weeks.

  18. How beautiful. I am so very sorry – I lost my Sly in November, and there are days I still cry. Hugs to you and the family.

  19. Oh Whitney! I’m so so sorry for your loss. I know how much of a family member a dog can be and I am sure it is truly devestating. I don’t think it’s silly at all to send my thoughts and prayers your way, so that’s exactly what I’m doing!

  20. Oh sweetie my heart hurts for you. He was an absolutely gorgeous dog!!!! I know the grief you feel. We lost our pug last April. He had been with us 10 years. He was my shadow. If I went into a room without him & shut the door he would sit right outside the door waiting for me. I stepped on the poor pup so many times from him being under my feet all the time. lol He was part of our family & we loved him. When he died it brought even my husband to tears & sobbing. Losing a pet hurts. I still miss him & catch myself wondering where he is & why I dont hear his little snorting snore or the clicking of his feet on the floor. The grief is as real as it can be. I’m so very very sorry for your loss sweetie. RIP Tucker!

  21. While I don’t have pets right now, when we did have them they were a part of the family. I know you are really jeartbroken over losing him.

  22. This is so sad. I cried through the whole story about Tucker. Even though this happened a few months ago it’s still so heartbreaking :(

    • Whitney says:

      Thank you for your comment, Marija. We still think about him every single day and miss him like crazy. We didn’t realize how attached we were to him until he was gone.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] month of the year.  Last week was the first week that I haven’t meal planned all year.  Losing Tucker put me in a funk, which explains the lack of posts.  I published posts that were already in the [...]

  2. [...] currently.  Since Tucker died, we don’t have the heart to allow another dog in our lives yet.  We are still taking care of [...]

  3. [...] February, we buried our sweet Tucker dog and that was hard.  It still is- especially since I’ve been hurt.  I would love for him to [...]

  4. [...] brought our first heartache of the year with the loss of our sweet Tucker.  I still miss him so much and Bryson talks about him a lot.  I shared some of our favorite [...]

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