I always thought that posts eulogizing pets were odd. I thought “We all love our pets, but isn’t that a little much!?”
Yeah, here is where my foot meets my mouth.
We lost our Tucker dog around 10PM last night. It’s 2:45AM and I’m sitting here typing away, because I’m so heartbroken.
Bella woke up to nurse at 2AM and when I didn’t hear the click-click-clicking of Tucker’s feet hit the tile floors to go check on her with me, my heart broke a little more.
Tucker and I shared a birthday. I didn’t realize it until after we had brought him home. I opened up his paperwork and there was my own birth date staring up at me. He would have been 5 this year.
I never thought my husband and I would cry ourselves to sleep over a dog, but that is exactly what we did last night.
Tucker was our baby before we ever had babies. He has been around longer than either of our children. He’s moved with us 3 times and eagerly greeted both of our children when they were born.
That is the devastating part for me. He was such a huge, huge part of their lives. One of Bryson’s first words was “T-T” then he learned how to say “tuck-tuck” and finally, he settled on calling him “Cucker.” He can’t work the “T” in Tucker for some reason.
Bella doesn’t use words, but she has her own sound for him. If he is mentioned, she makes clicking sounds with her mouth like she’s calling him. We all know that means Tucker.
If I ever got on to Tucker for anything, Bryson was say “Mom, he’s my best buddy!” or “Mom, he’s my best friend!”
Just last night, Bryson was on top of him, riding him like a horse and calling him “Cucker Horsey.” Tucker never cared. He would let the kids ride him, pull his hair out, lay on top of him- he loved them.
Bryson stayed with his Nana and Pop last night and has no idea that “Cucker” is dead. Sitting here, snotty nose and tears running down my face, I feel more like the 3 year old and I have no idea how I’m going to break my son’s heart and tell him Tucker is gone.
In almost every photo I have of the kids at home, you can look in the background and find Tucker. He was always, always there.
This is the last photo I took of him. It was beautiful outside Thursday. He never finds a small stick. Instead, he opts for the biggest limb he can find and drags it around the yard.
He had the weirdest howl you’ve ever heard. People would always think he was hurt, because it was just so loud and.. weird. He only used it if we made certain noises or if was outside and ready to come. I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’ll even miss that crazy howl.
There were so, so many times when I was tired of cleaning up after him- all the dirt he would track in, when he’d drag the kid’s leftovers off the table, etc. Now, I’d take all those messes and triple them, just to have him back.
With all of that said, if you don’t think it’s too silly, our family could really use some good thoughts and prayers as we mourn our sweet Tucker. I know there are worse things going on in this world, but I would really appreciate it.
It’s 3:30AM now and I’m going to go back to bed. I’m going to try to sleep and try not to think about that fact that in a few hours, I have to break my little boys heart just like mine is broken.