The Face of Domestic Violence – It’s Not a Joke

I am sitting here stunned and I’m not sure that I’ll be able to make the words flow for this post.

Shocked.  Angered.  Disappointed.

Disgusted.

I have an entire line of expletives just waiting to rush out of my mouth and onto the screen, but this is a family friendly site.

I didn’t watch the Grammys last night.  I have no idea who performed, who won what, etc.

But, I came across an article titled “25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions to Chris Brown at the Grammys” and well, my curiosity got the best of me.

I really, REALLY wish it hadn’t.  I wish I wouldn’t have clicked that headline.

If you don’t want to go read it, let me just sum it up for you:

25 different females invited Chris Brown to come beat them.

Any time.  Any day.  All night.

Oh yes, they did.

Apparently, if you are a good looking superstar, that makes domestic violence not only okay, but welcomed.

Did they not see the photos of Rihanna after her severely beat her?

Not all women get out.  Rihanna was blessed that she did.

I’d like to grab each of them and take them to the cemetary with me.

I’d like to show them HER face.

SHE is the face of domestic violence and laying her to rest at 28 years old broke so many hearts, so many lives shattered.

And these women are making fun of domestic violence.  Let me just tell you how FUN it is…

It’s holding onto a mother and only being able to say “We shouldn’t be here..” while you look at her dead daughter lying in a casket.

It’s hearing that a life is gone.  It’s replaying the scene over and over in your head.

It’s a funeral home full of sorrow.  It’s a cemetery full of beautiful flowers for a woman who shouldn’t be 6 feet under.

It’s being so angry that you have no idea what to do with it.  It’s having a clouded mind and not being able to think of anything else.

It’s visions of someone you love being beaten.  It’s wondering if she died soon or if she was in pain.

It’s wondering if she begged him to stop.  It’s wondering why he didn’t.

It’s crying until your eyes are red and stinging, but still crying some more.

It’s wondering if you’ll ever find peace and forgiveness.

It’s knowing that as hard as it is on me, it’s a million times worse for her parents and brothers.

We aren’t supposed to bury our children.  We certainly aren’t supposed to get the call that they’ve been beaten, murdered, and stuffed into a duffel bag.

That is what domestic violence is.  It’s anger, it’s hurt, it’s loss.  It is so many things, but a joke is NOT one of them.

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Comments

  1. Like you, I was appalled to read that list. Absolutely appalled.I warned Adam when we first got together that I would not be responsible for my actions if he were ever to hit me. I was hit once in a relationship. Stupid high school ‘love’. I didn’t give my boyfriend what he wanted (sex) so he pushed my face into a wall. Making lies to my parents as to what happened wasn’t the finest moment of my life. I’m so sorry for your loss. There simply aren’t any words to help. ((HUGS))

  2. Beverly Smith says:

    I lived it…for 3 years I was married to domestic violence then he almost killed me one Sat. night and he was arrested. He got out of jail and began stalking me. The restraining order doesn’t work when they walk up behind you and grab your mouth. Three more years it took me to break his cycle…but I did. He ruined my life, but what bothers me more is the fact that I gave him the power to do it. That was 1988-91 then the 3 yrs. following the divorce and I still see him and hear his threats when I go to sleep.

    • I am so sad that you went through that but so glad you were able to get out, Beverly. Thank you for commenting and sharing your story. ((HUGS))

  3. Kayla Sims says:

    I LOVE every word of this that you wrote.. I had the pleasure of knowing this wonderful WOMAN and my husband had the pleasure of working with her… She is/was and amazing person and every word of this is on point… Glad someone said all of this cause i couldn’t find the words to say it but the words that you put was very good

  4. She was a beautiful person inside and out,nobody will ever compare to her and her love for people. I pray for her mother to have comfort and peace as she is the same beautiful and loving person like Monica

  5. I’m so sorry you lost your friend Whitney. I have seen people I care about in this situation, and you’re right, it’s not a joke. I didn’t watch the Grammy’s. I don’t think he should be welcome to perform anywhere.

  6. Everyday hurts as much as the last. She was more sister than cousin. I wish I could talk to her everyday in person but i talk to the sky instead. I love her more than she ever knew and wish I could have been around more for her so she would’t have felt like she had no where to turn. I miss her everyday so terribly.

  7. I don’t even want to read that article. This disgusts me.

  8. Hi sweetie. I know you struggle to get the thoughts out of your mind. There was a young couple abducted in Knoxville in January 2007 by five or six people.The things they did to them was so awful that I had nightmares for nearly a year later. I didn’t even watch the trials. I only saw a few minutes of the news. I will pray for you to have peace. When the bad thoughts come, you push them away and instead see your beautiful cousin in a beautiful place, walking with Jesus, smelling the flowers, playing with children, singing. She is beautiful and happy, right now. She can never be hurt again. Her life is not over, she lives eternally. She has just gone on to the eternal place where we all will someday have to go. If he had ever hit her before, she must have loved him and had some hope for him in her heart to stay, since she wasn’t married to him. Unless Jesus comes back and we get raptured out of here, we will die. Our spirits will leave these bodies. It is tragic. I don’t believe we have a time and a place. I believe God gave us 70 years and anything over that is a blessing. But Jesus said Satan comes to kill steal and destroy. Satan took her young life at the hands of someone who surely did not live by faith. The Word says not to be unequally yoked. This could be one reason why. I don’t know. I just know it wasn’t God’s will for her to die, but He recieves those who belong to Him, even when they have untimely deaths. I know you all miss her, but you must get past this and you must find forgiveness. As long as you do not forgive, he wins. He keeps you in turmoil. Not him, really, but Satan does. The forgiveness is not for his benefit, honey, it is for yours. So you can have peace. The Bible says to forgive others as Jesus forgave you. It says that if you don’t, you will be turned over to the tormenters. I believe this means you turn yourself over to the evil works, to come agaisnt your health, your finances, your family, your life. Uncontrollable anger is what drives an abusive person. Anger is deadly if it is held onto for too long. The scriptures say “I put away from me all anger, bitterness, wrath, clamor, and evil speaking with all malice.” These are the steps that anger starts if you don’t get rid of it. The guy that killed your cousin didn’t put it away from himself. He held on until it became bitterness, then wrath, all the way to the malice where he actually took it out on someone who didn’t deserve it. When I was a young Christian, I went to crying to God so many times because of things people were doing against me. They were hurting me, mostly because of my relationship with Him. One night, I was so hurt and I got up out of bed and went into the living room. I plopped into the chair and started crying to God about all they had done to me. Suddenly, I saw Jesus on the cross in my living room, big as ever. And God spoke to me and said “Look what they did to my beloved Son”. I realized that the things I was going through was nowhere near as bad as what He suffered. I told God I was sorry and I went to bed. I realized that by complaining, I was demanding that I be treated good by others. I was wanting people to love me and help me instead of making things hard for me. But I learned that I am not as important. My rights, my feelings, etc. are nothing compared to what I have to do for Jesus. The bible says they hated him without a cause, they will hate me as well.
    I caught about the last hour of the Grammy’s last night and Chris Brown won a Grammy. I saw him come on to sing and that was the first thing I thought about was the abuse he did to Rihanna. And I was really shocked that the people voted for him, but I guess you can still get rewarded for your talent regardless of your behavior. But to me winning a Grammy is kind of like winning the Miss America crown. You should represent our people with good moral conduct. I did not see the post you are talking about, but I will look at it. Those women must be into some kinky fetish stuff. Some of them will probably end up dead someday where someone gets a little too rough. It is all sadistic to me. Abusers don’t get the same thrill these people do though. They don’t want to beat someone who likes it. They struggle to control their own behavior while trying to control someone else. They are time bombs, ticking away, waiting for the next spark to set them off. Their apologies may be sincere, but the person being abused should realize that the abuser may regret what they did later, but the problem is that they don’t know how to control themselves and they will do it again. I am not saying people can’t change, because I know they can. The only way I have ever seen an absolute change is through Jesus and the only way I know for sure they change is by watching them for years and years. I like your page. This is the first time I have seen it. It’s good. If you need me to help you with something, I will do my best. You are doing a good work. Faith without works is dead, according to the word. You have faith that you can help others and you are doing it. The ways of Jesus will always prosper you. And He is our ever present help in a time of need, but we have Him everyday to lead and guide us if we learn how to listen. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. I will be praying for your ministry. God bless.

  9. I can’t believe that is something that is even joked about … we should be past that being even thought as being a joke. Here in town there is a murder trial that is hitting national news for a college kid that killed his college girlfriend by beating her to death. It is the news as a reality not a joke.
    Many prayers for you and your family. You are doing a great thing by keeping her memory alive and not in vain! Hugs and love!

  10. I had the honor of meeting and getting to know Monica and I can without a doubt say that she was one of the sweetest, most caring people God ever placed on this earth. I hadn’t talked to her for several years but when I learned what had happened to her, it was like time stood still. How could someone, anyone, want to harm the beautiful, caring girl I was proud to call my friend? I attended Monica’s funeral and was moved beyond measure by the amount of love and sorrow in that room, by the cries of heartache from a wonderful mother buring her child and by a family and loyal friends forever scarred by the loss of someone so young and so special.

  11. I have no words. None for any of this. The women who said the things they did. They have no idea. The pain of your loss. The senselessness of it all. I’m sorry.

  12. Thank you for writing and sharing this. When you shared that story on Facebook yesterday I was floored. Absolutely floored. I don’t understand what is wrong with young women today that they would joke and invite anyone to beat them. Its disgusting, disturbing and sad. Is this what our society, what our world has come to?

    Whitney, I am so sorry for your loss. Domestic violence is a terrible thing and like you said, not a joke. I hope more people come to understand that and stand up for those who are suffering.

  13. I didn’t know Monica personally but I had the pleasure of working with her mother Lynda for a while. I know that Monica had to be an incredible person to have had the family and friends that she did/does. She was very beautiful and will always be missed.
    My heart goes out to her entire family. I love you Lynda and Kimberley

  14. This hits home too close for me. I have tears in my eyes. To think anyone thinks domestic violence is okay or a joke. It isn’t and I can vouch for that too. Hugs to you and the family of those who lost a beautiful young woman.

  15. I was a volunteer for our local shelter for battered women, and felt like I was doing something that made a difference. I had to stopp volunteering there though when girls who were the same age as my teen aged daughters started coming in as clients. It is so so sad to me that this happens at all, and even sadder still that some men think it makes them more of a man to do it. I am so sorry for your loss.

  16. She was a beautiful woman. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot understand why some men think it is okay to hurt the women they claim to love. It’s disgusting. As for the article with those women who were tweeting about Chris Brown, my jaw dropped. Do those women have so little respect for themselves that they would allow him to harm them just because he is attractive and famous? I think they need some help.

  17. Thanks for your touching post Whitney.

    I am also disgusted by people making light of such a tragic thing. Attitudes like that just perpetuate the problem.

  18. I am so, so very sorry about Monica. She is a beautiful woman, and her life tragically taken. There is no excuse for abuse. Your post is powerful – I’m just so sorry all of this happened.

  19. Domestic violence is NOT a joke and I’m so disgusted by the article you found. I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain suffered. This things should NOT happen. I pray that all those who are victims of violence are able to find a way out. Thinking of you…

  20. I didn’t read the list and now I”m pretty sure I don’t want to.

    Domestic violence is no joke.

  21. I remember when you posted about Monica’s death and my heart just broke. It breaks again now that women are posting that they’d let a man beat them. I don’t care how sexy or famous someone is, a beating is not deserved. I went through a emotionally and verbally abusive marriage for eight years and that was hard enough. It took me years to rebuild. It’s sad that people make such a joke of it.

  22. there is a big difference between domestic dispute and violence. i don’t think enough people realize how abused some women are…it is sad. thanks for sharing your views.

  23. Domestic violence is a serious issue. It amazes me when women degrade themselves like this. Why would you want Chris Brown or anyone to beat you? I’m very sorry for your loss.

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