Causes Domestic Violence

Monica Michelle Payne

On Saturday, May 15, 2010, a 911 call was made concerning a domestic dispute.  When officers arrived on the scene, a man and woman answered the door and said that everything was fine.  The events that occurred four days later would prove that everything was in fact, far from okay.

On Wednesday, May 19, 2010, a father went to visit his son, as I am sure he had many other times.  This visit would change both the father and the son’s lives along with countless others forever.  This father would be forced to have the courage to love his son enough to do what was right- if there is such a thing in this type of situation.  Another 911 call was made, but this time, the domestic dispute was more than over- it was a homicide.  A father called 911 to report that his son had murdered his own girlfriend.  Not only had he beaten her with a crowbar and his bare fists, he had wrapped her in plastic and duct tape and shoved her body into a duffel bag.  If it had not been for this father, we would currently be searching for my cousin.  He had moved her car, cleaned the house, and was ready to dispose of her body.

My beautiful, 28 year old cousin is gone.  When I received the news, I immediately started shaking like I have never done so before.  My entire body hurt, I dry heaved, and I wept.  I sobbed.  Over the next few days, I could not remember to eat.  It would be 4p.m. some days before I would realize that I hadn’t eaten.  I could not sleep.  I still lie awake and try to push the images from my mind.  Everyone knows how difficult it is to lose someone, but to know someone you loved was beaten and murdered- I have never felt a pain like this.  It is so different from just losing someone to a disease, a car wreck, or an accident.  The anger that comes with it, the images of all that happened- it is too much.

Since I told her goodbye, I have tried to stop myself from thinking about the “how.”  I don’t know what good will ever come out of this.  This is one of those times where I have questioned God over and over and over.  I have no answers and I doubt I ever will.  All I know is that I will do my part so that her death is not in vain.  I don’t know if I will volunteer at domestic violence shelters, donate to domestic violence causes, or reach out to a family in need, but I do know that I will do SOMETHING.  This should not happen to anyone.  Ever.

The first thing I will do is become a member of the National Domestic Violence Hotline Million Voices Campaign.  I encourage each and every one of you to do the same.  This isn’t something you see on TV, like I naively had made myself believe.  This is REAL LIFE and now this is MY LIFE.



May you rest in peace, in the comfort of our Heavenly Father’s arms.  My promise to you is that I will never forget you and that I will not allow your death to be in vain.  I will do whatever is possible to stop this from happening to another family.  I love you and I miss you always.



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  • >Oh Whitney, I am soo sooo sooo very sorry for your loss. That is just unimaginable and I am so sorry that your family is having to go through this. Everyone is in my thoughts and prayers.

  • >I am so sorry for your loss. Where there is no light, there is only darkness. Do not question where God was… if she knew Jesus, then He was there with her. Praise God that a heavenly home was waiting for her! You and your family are in my prayers.

  • >Hey girl! I am so sorry!!! I know this has to be extremely hard. Like you said, it's definitely a lot harder when something like this happens. I haven't had to deal with anything close to that, but I know God can give you comfort in your most troubled times. Lean on Him and He will NEVER forsake you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. If you need someone to talk to, you know I'm always here for you.

  • >I am so sorry for your loss. At a time like this it seems impossible to believe that God is in control, but HE is. You and your family are in my prayers. God bless.

  • >girl that is an awesome blog!! me and monica were friends and always had fun times!! i miss her so much!! i want to do something too… it puts a whole new perspective to life (for me anyway)

  • >So very, very sorry to hear of the loss. I've not been in that situation so I can't give advice, but it is good to know that her name will not be in vain thanks to you. God bless you and yours.

  • >Just wanted to say that Monica Payne and her family are still in my prays each and every night. Be strong Chad and Alex, I love you guys!

  • >What good will come of this? Just look at your beautiful memorial blog to your cousin! What good will come is that someone out there will read it, or one linking back to it, and know that they are not alone. I fight for the same wisdom, information, and caring for which you fight. Did you know that domestic violence affects more than 25 MILLION women in the US alone, and according to some studies, less that 1 percent of domestic violence cases are reported to the police. I am right there with you screaming to the world that something has to be done. The problem is, women like your cousin- women like me- rarely report abuse. And when they finally do, they rarely prosecute. Reporting will escalate it, and do one of two things…get them killed, or get them out. It got me out. Keep writing sister. Together we can make a difference…even if it only saves one more woman. Here is my story:

  • […] of you may remember that back in May, our family suffered an unexpected and devastating loss.  Monica, my beautiful 28 year old cousin, was murdered by her boyfriend.  I think of her almost every single day.  My mind is filled with the images of what her last […]

  • I just saw your other post and then read this. You’ve inspired me to join the domestic violence hotline. Thank you for sharing this post. I’m so incredibly sorry for your lost. May she rest in peace

  • My heart aches for her. She’s so beautiful, and I have no doubt that you loved her very much. Thank you for sharing her story. For being brave enough to spread the word. Much love to you.

  • I am so sorry. I lost my mom due domestic violence (not my dad, her new husband). she filed for divorce from abuse and he broke in her house and murdered her….i heard the 911 call and i will never forget it. I hope your post helps someone.


  • i miss her so much to…… i went to school with Monica and we went to tech school together…. we wasnt close in school but we did talk to each other….. i miss u and one day i will see u again just wait by the river for me love angel…..

  • This is REALLY sad! I can’t belive it! My mom misses her SOOOOOOO much. It really sucks she had to go that way, I hope shes up there with Jesus right now. I’m not going to say goodbye, but——
    Until next time. ~Monica Michelle Payne~ R.I.P beautiful <3.Monica is my cousin, April Shattles is my mom, and, Jerry Burns is my grandfather. I am related by my papa, because Aunt Frita is his aunt, and Aunt Frita's son is Monica's dad:)——-Just so ya know. Also, you did a great job Btw; Beautiful page. 🙂 is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to